I remember the way the shouts; screams; yells and cheers echoed off those walls. Those crystallized walls of the Grand Palace... where... I shake my head, a tear running down my cheek. That's where he left me.

Thoughts of long ago -- long long ago, when I was small, run constantly through my mind at the moment. I remember the way he used to watch me; either from close by or from afar; guarding me, protecting me from the evil which I knew so well.

Just like my mother.

But... I wipe away another tear and hold the hand which wears the ring close, closer to my heart. I feel it beat. Why couldn't it have been me? Why why why why why? I guess because it wasn't mine to give, the time, that is.

I draw a symbol on the floor with a piece of chalk. It smears, quickly blending in with the old stones and the damp air of the Palace. He could still ... be here. It's their fault. Their's. Not mine.

Them them them them them them!!!!

Suddenly a flood of tears and echoes burst out of me, my sobs mixing with the sounds of the ocean's salty waves outside. The cries ring deep in my ears, branding a picture of him into my mind. So perfect, loving... and ...

Oh, god.

What am I going to do? I can't live without him... I need him so. Without me seeming to know, the words I've been holding in escape my dampened lips and out into the lonely room, echoing; echoing with the sobs.

" DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!! "

The books in front of me flip their pages constantly, blowing... billowing in the ocean wind. I stop them in a few seconds, a thickness of pages still curling in the wind.

I read it, my heart breaking.

December 23

Today's the day...! I can't believe it's already here. Time travels fast... sometimes I wonder where it goes. Anyway, I have plans for tomorrow. Big ones. I need to write these down, the pressure is becoming a weight too great to carry. Here they are...

Tomorrow, Fanha, the rest of the lieutenants and I are leaving for a mission to Mandala. I wonder if Maya is still in command... Anyway, Vandole has assigned Fanha and I to find out their military positions. Sounds like a job worth having.

And... while we're there...I'm going to ask Fanha something. Something I hope will change my life ... and her's. I hope I know what the answer is.

I sniffle and take a deep breath, shaking in the cold air. I remember the words he used, on Christmas Eve... That night was pure magic. We had snuck away to a little restaurant just outside of Mandala to be by ourselves, away from Vandole and Thanatos, not to forget the prying Geshtar.

" Fanha... I've known you for... well, a very long time... and... "

" Yes, what is it, Sheex? "

" Will you... marry me...? "

I smile sadly at the way he blushed when he had said it, the way he kept his eyes down on the table, afraid to look at me. I had just laughed, smiled, and nodded. That was all he needed.

And how I miss him.

Once again, the words leave me breathless, whispering through the wind and beyond the stars, to the place I had hoped to go with him... that one sweet day. This time the words don't scream or yell as they had before, but gently, softly whisper from deep within me.

" I love you... "

I hesitate, crying silently.

" Don't leave... "

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